Here's a ski joke: A nervous novice can’t hear his instructor properly because he is wearing ear muffs.He shuffles over to a man with a sledge and asks: “Did he say zig-zag down the slope or zag-zig?” The man says: “I don’t know, I’m a tobogganist.”Really says the novice. “I’ll have 20 Benson & Hedges please.”Yes, it’s coming up to that hilarious time of year when thousands of normally sane people strap two planks to their feet and throw themselves off a mountain.Some end up laughing all the way to traction in a hospital ward, but for most it’s a chance to breathe pure Alpine air, drink far too much gluwein and enjoy a wintry wonderland of crisp snow and roaring log fires.A skiing holiday can be great fun for families and groups of friends. And those cosy nights also make for a memory-filled romantic break.

Here’s a quick guide…The Christmas and New Year holidays, plus the February half-term are traditionally the busiest – and priciest – time on the slopes, some of which can become dangerously overcrowded.The UK half-term will be a particular nightmare this season because it clashes with many French schools’ breaks.Ifyou don’t have kids, January and March can be good for package-holiday bargains.Of course, if you’re going skiing you’ll need some snow. Norway and Finland have the longest winter season, so you can hit the slopes both early and late. Remember, though, that daylight hours are shorter the farther north you go.

If snow quality is important to you, it might be best to wait until the last-minute before booking. Check out latest snow reports through the Ski Club of Great Britain at It depends on your budget and what you want out of a ski holiday. Austria is a good bet for beginners, while the linked resorts of the French Alps provide more choice, with good nursery slopes and frightening black runs.Switzerland can be pricey, but Andorra, Bulgaria and the Spanish resorts are cheap.

The US and Canadian resorts won’t be such a bargain this year because of the collapse of the pound against the dollar.Try Megeve (www.megeve.com), a picture-postcard village with gentle slopes and good apres-ski.Child facilities are excellent. A bit on the pricey side but it has some great hotels and restaurants. Contact: Ski Solutions (0207 471 7700 www.skisolutions.com).

Courcheval is in the famous Trois Vallees (Three Valleys) region of the Alps and from here you get access to dozens of skiing areas. Lots of bar-crawling, if you have the energy left.Sparkling Courmayeur (www.courmayeur.com) sits on the sunny side of Mont Blanc. Since the tragic fire in the Mont Blanc Tunnel two years ago, it has become a bit cut off from the rest of Europe by road. This means not so many Germans showing off on the slopes. Oh dear, never mind. It’s not really a place for beginners, although it has some decent nursery slopes. Contact: First Choice (0870 754 3477,

Cortina d’Ampezzo (www.apt-dolomiti-cortina.it), in a beautiful part of the Dolomites, is a big town as ski resorts go. So there’s loads of competition for your money, which in turn means it’s a bargain. The slopes are good for all standards of skiing and it gets pleasantly lively in the evening. A bonus is that you can take a day-trip to Venice from here – and blow the money you’ve saved. (0870 848 7000, www.crystalski.co.uk).
Soldeu (www.soldeu.ad) has one of the best ski schools in

 Europe, with more than 150 instructors. It has some of the snazziest designer clothes stores outside Paris – and they are all duty-free. Contact: Neilson (0870 333 3347, www.neilson.com and see next page)The neighbouring resort of El Tarter shares 29 lifts, many of them high-speed, and 86km of piste with Soldeu. Good nightlife and cheap. Contact: Thomson (0870 606 1470,  a rejuvenated area in the Pyrenees, now has 85 miles of piste over four valleys.

This season families get free lift passes and free ski hire for kids. Also in the Spanish Pyrenees, Baqueira-Beret is fast becoming a chic resort. You might – quite literally – bump into the King of Spain on the slopes here. Buy him a drink afterwards in the bar of the swish Hotel La Pleta (www.lapleta.com). Inghams (www.inghams.co.uk /020 8780 4433) has a week B&B here from £981pp. For more info about skiing in Spain contact the Spanish Tourist Office in London on 020 7486 8077 (24-hour brochure line 08459 400 180) or visit www.spain.info/uk

When it comes to doing insane things down big mountains, Verbier (www.verbier.ch) is “one flew over the cuckoo clock” territory. There are massive glaciers, powder bowls and couloirs – great fun if you know what you’re doing. Near-vertical Mont Gele has a fearsome reputation, even among experienced piste artistes. Parts of Verbier are OK for intermediates, if you don’t mind looking like a wimp. Lively atmosphere in the bars and clubs. Contact: Inghams (020 8780 4433

Klosters (www.klosters.ch) is an attractive Swiss village in the German canton which plays host to European Royals and film stars. The larger town of Davos next door is just as posh, but has a wider range of accommodation. If you’re careful, a holiday here won’t break the bank. (01306 747002/  the extra “e”), an old Medieval town, has for years been a favourite with the Brits, Dutch and Germans. The apres-ski goes on all night so it’s lucky the slopes here aren’t too exacting. The mountains aren’t too high, which means the snow cover is unreliable. 
 

St Anton (www.stantonamalberg.com) is one of Europe’s most established ski resorts. It still attracts top-quality skiers who don’t fancy paying Swiss prices to enjoy it. Nightlife is almost as crazy as Kitzbuhel. Contact: Mark Warner (08708 480482, Louise has some of the best skiing in Canada, rivalled only by neighbouring Whistler. It’s good value, friendly and is ideal for groups or couples. Nearby is the Panorama Mountain Village resort (www.skipanorama.com), which has some good off-piste activities, such as heli-skiing and dog-sledding.In Whistler, the venue for the 2010 Winter Olympics, a week at the luxury Fairmont Chateauat the foot of Blackcomb Mountain costs from $935pp (Ski Safari 01273 223680 / www.skisafari.com)

Aspen (www.visitaspen.com) is a pretty restored old silver mining town. There’s good skiing on the four mountains around the resort and accommodation is excellent. Virgin Snow (0844 557 4212, www.virginholidays.co.uk/snow/) offers Seven nights here in December from £919pp at the Sky Hotel including return flights with Delta Airlines from Gatwick direct to Denver.Ski Independence (0870 555 0555, www.ski-i.com) features Jackson Hole (www.jacksonhole.com), another favourite with Brits with its adventurous skiing.

If you want to break the bank – as well as your leg – stay at the Four Seasons Resort in Teton Village. It has massive rooms, an outdoor pool, spa and ski-in-ski-out facilities.Easyjet (www.easyjet.com) flies to Geneva, Milan, Munich, Toulouse, Lyon, Innsbruck, Turin, Grenoble, Sofia, Salzburg and Basel. It is currently advertising prices from £30.99 one-way including taxes. British Airways (www.ba.com) flies to Toulouse, Geneva, Milan, Munich, Basel, Vienna and Zurich. Other cheap options include www.thomsonfly.com, www.flybe.com and www.ryanair.comVisit Eurostar (www.eurostar.com) or Rail Europe (www.raileurope.co.uk/snowtrain) for deals to convenient destinations close to the main Alpine ski resorts.

By car: Eurotunnel (0870 241 0278, www.eurotunnel.com) is currently offering one-way Channel crossings for a car and up to nine passengers from £49. Ferry company Seafrance (www.seafrance.co.uk) also has cheap crossing deals.Skiweekends (0870 442 3400, www.skiweekends.com) features short Alpine breaks by overnight coach from London Victoria.Here’s a list of some of the major tour firms who offer good-value ski holidays